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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27557410">The Misadventures of Tuco and Blondie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTrekkedUp/pseuds/AllTrekkedUp'>AllTrekkedUp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Il buono il brutto il cattivo | The Good The Bad and The Ugly (1966)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angel Eyes is a Dark Horse, Bottom Blondie, Gun Violence, M/M, Porn With Plot, Top Tuco, Topping from the Bottom, Violence, Whose Side is He On Anyway?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:27:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,591</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27557410</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTrekkedUp/pseuds/AllTrekkedUp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tuco and Blondie team up with Angel Eyes to make some big money.  But will Angel Eyes betray them?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>"Blondie" | The Man with No Name/Tuco Ramirez</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a small town, well off the beaten path in New Mexico, Blondie and Tuco had only come there to meet with Angel Eyes, they worked together sometimes even though there was a large amount of distrust between them.  Now it was dark and they were stole away in the corner of a lamp lit saloon, it was not only a saloon but the town restaurant and hotel, the hub of life in this hole in the mesa.  They had just finished eating, Blondie was sitting back and watching the mirror behind the bar to see the doors coming in, he smoked slowly.  Tuco was drinking on his whiskey after he pushed his plate away and leaned back himself, running his right hand, silver rings shining in the low light, over his stomach. </p><p>"You know what really would top off this meal, Blondie?" he asked.</p><p>Blondie said nothing but took his cigar out and handed it over.</p><p>Tuco smiled and took it, puffing it a couple of times. "This is good but no. I was thinking about something else, something more...personal we'll say," he said, running a hand up Blondie's thigh under the table.</p><p>Blondie shifted his hand to stop him, he just put it on his knee and put his own hand on top of it.</p><p>"Why don't we go upstairs, huh? Let Tuco take all the trouble off your mind," he grinned.</p><p>"Not yet. We gotta meet Angel Eyes, so my mind will just have to stay troubled," Blondie smiled slightly.</p><p>Tuco spit on the floor. "I don't like him. I don't trust him with you," he said, squeezing Blondie's knee.</p><p>"Yeah well, I know you'll protect me from him," Blondie held back a smile.</p><p>"You're damn right! I'll end up killing that bastard!" Tuco boasted.</p><p>"What bastard are you going to kill, Tuco?" </p><p>The voice to their left startled them and they both drew their guns at lighting speed.  Angel Eyes chuckled and raised his hands. "Put them away, fellas. It's only me," he said.</p><p>Blondie looked past him and cursed himself internally for not keeping an eye on the door leading to the kitchen.</p><p>"Angel Eyes. We have been waiting for you," Tuco recovered himself and plastered on a smile.</p><p>"I gathered that. I also take it that you've already eaten but that's okay, I prefer to eat alone," Angel Eyes said. He sat down after turning a chair around backwards.</p><p>"You wanta smoke?" Tuco asked, offering him the nub of cigar that was left that he had been smoking. </p><p>"I'll have a fresh one later, thanks," Angel Eyes said, he kept his eyes trained on Blondie. </p><p>Blondie looked at him wondering what was up his sleeve, his gaze shifted to Tuco who patted his knee in response. </p><p>"Out with it, Angel Eyes. What is this work you want our help with, huh?" Tuco asked.</p><p>"There is a man, his name is Cicada. He's a smuggler in these parts, deadly and smart. He's got a bounty on his head for ten thousand dollars, a right sum to split," Angel Eyes explained as he took a poster out of his coat pocket and unfolded it for them to look at.</p><p>Blondie looked at the name and description under it. Thirty-eight years old, six foot, two hundred pounds, reported as being half white and half Mexican with a scar on his neck.</p><p>"And why do you need us, eh? One man you could kill easily, what is- how you say? Catch?" Tuco asked. </p><p>"Well, he does have a gang. Ten other men. That's why I need you," Angel Eyes said.</p><p>Tuco started to laugh. "Oh! Only ten? No wonder you need us!" he said. </p><p>"I know where they are. We just need to move in on them together," Angel Eyes said. </p><p>"Okay. We will help you, but no tricks about the money!" Tuco said, pointing his finger at him.</p><p>"No tricks about the money.  But uh, don't Blondie get a say?" Angel Eyes asked, looking at the man once again.</p><p>"I speak for Blondie. Him and me, we're together," Tuco grinned.</p><p>Angel Eyes raised his brows. "Is that so, Blondie?"</p><p>Blondie looked over at him again. "Yeah. That's so," he said.</p><p>"Well… I guess we'll start in the morning then," Angel Eyes said.</p><p>"I guess," Blondie said.</p><p>"How about a drink to celebrate our partnership?" Angel Eyes asked.</p><p>"We'll have to pass. We got business upstairs. See you in the morning," Tuco said quickly as he stood, pulling Blondie up with him.</p><p>Angel Eyes looked Blondie up and down as he watched them go up the cherry wood stairs. He fully planned to only split the money two ways and have Blondie as a bonus.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two </p><p>Tuco slipped the skeleton key into the lock on the door and opened it quickly, shutting the door just as quick once they were inside.  He put the key in on their side after it was locked and turned to Blondie with a grin.</p><p>Blondie took off his hat and threw it over onto the chest of drawers in the corner. He surveyed the room, it was dark but for the two lamps on the bedside tables that had been lit for them when they took the room.  There was a threadbare rug on the floor at the end of the bed, Blondie narrowed his eyes to determine the color, he figured it used to be green.  The furniture, both pieces of it, were dark wood, the heavy blanket on the bed was a burgundy and the walls were bare.</p><p>"You sure were in a hurry to leave Angel Eyes," Blondie commented.</p><p>Tuco moved away from the door and patted the side of Blondie's thigh, he sat down and Tuco started to pull his boots off for him. "I don't like the way he looks at you. Besides, my cock is up and I don't want to waste it," he grinned.</p><p>Blondie grinned back and reached down to touch Tuco's crotch, he was met with a distinctive hardness.</p><p>Tuco laughed. "You see? Now you get undressed for Tuco and we'll have some fun," he said.</p><p>Blondie stood after pulling off his socks, he stripped out of his clothes and found that Tuco had done the same. He laid down in the bed and motioned for Tuco to come to him, Tuco got on him and looked down at him lovingly.</p><p>"Kiss my neck, use your teeth. Give Angel Eyes something to look at tomorrow," Blondie said. There was nothing like that look that Tuco gave him when they were alone, he had never felt loved before he met Tuco, not real love anyway.</p><p>Tuco smiled and landed one kiss on the side of Blondie's neck before biting down hard on it.  Blondie hissed and gripped Tuco's hair with one hand. Tuco chuckled as Blondie's breathing increased, it was hard to see in such dim light but when he felt like a bruise was forming he stopped and went to the other side to repeat it.  Blondie didn't offer to stop him so he did the same and then kissed that beautiful Adam's apple that was such a turn on to him.</p><p>"Ooh! Kiss me all over, then put yourself in me," Blondie ordered.</p><p>Tuco moved his mouth down to Blondie's collarbone and kissed the length of it. He loved to take Blondie's orders in these intimate situations, he loved to give Blondie pleasure, he loved Blondie. When his mouth went to a nipple Blondie moaned out and they heard their neighbor coming in his room next door, the walls were thin so he or she was going to get some entertainment for the evening.</p><p>Tuco licked and sucked to the sounds of Blondie's whimpers and gasps, he moved down to run his unshaven face across Blondie's ribs, causing him to giggle in response.</p><p>"Stop it!" he playfully said.</p><p>Tuco grinned and kissed each rib as Blondie laughed more, he went up again to kiss that laughing mouth.</p><p>Blondie made a noise of satisfaction from the back of his throat when the kiss ended. "You kissing bandit, get back to business," he smiled.</p><p>Tuco grinned and put a finger on Blondie's lips for him to be quiet, Blondie just took it in and sucked it hard. Tuco gasped in surprise, more blood diverting to his hard cock at the feel and sucking sound.  Blondie licked the tip and smirked when he was through.  </p><p>"You are a devil, Blondie!" Tuco chided before bending down over him again.  He moved further down, tongue going into Blondie's belly button and out again, nibbling that soft skin below it where a trail of hair led to the grand prize.  Tuco rubbed his face against Blondie's dick, making the man to moan wantingly, it was already dripping and Tuco gave it a rough squeeze. </p><p>"Ooh! Don't- don't-"</p><p>"Suddenly you can't give the orders huh? Well I will be making it harder for you to think now," Tuco grinned.  He spread Blondie's legs and pulled them up a little, he stuck two fingers in his mouth and got them good and wet before sticking them in his partner.  </p><p>"Aaahhh!" Blondie cried out, head pressing into the pillow.</p><p>Tuco spent some time getting him relaxed with his fingers before withdrawing and getting his cock coated with his own pre-cum.  "Get ready, my cactus thorn," he said huskily.</p><p>Blondie nodded and went ahead and gripped the sheets.  Tuco guided himself in with one hand and held one of Blondie's legs with the other, his other leg was resting on Tuco's shoulder.  Tuco bit the inside of the thigh closest to him as he jutted against Blondie's spot and a sweet scream filled his ears.  He grinned with satisfaction as he showed no mercy in his thrusts, he listened as Blondie moaned and screamed the whole time.  Tuco didn't bother to warn when he was cumming, but Blondie seemed to know because he came at the same time with a loud scream.  Tuco pulled out slowly and came to collapse beside Blondie on the other pillow, Blondie reached out for his hand.</p><p>Tuco turned his head to look over at his partner. "I love you more than my life, Blondie," he said in the darkness.</p><p>"Funny. That's the same way I love you," Blondie smiled.</p><p>Tuco pulled his hand up and kissed it as they lay there cooling off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three</p><p> </p><p>Blondie woke up with weight on him, one eye opened and then the other, Tuco was laying on him.  His nose in Blondie's neck, his whole body keeping him grounded in one spot, it made things oppressively hot.  Blondie looked past Tuco's head to the window, it was still dark but had to be early morning, he knew Angel Eyes would want to leave soon.  He poked Tuco in the side and got a grunt in response and a kiss on the neck.</p><p>"Good morning my blonde angel," Tuco smiled.</p><p>"Morning.  You're blonde angel needs to get up," Blondie said.</p><p>"Why get up when Tuco is on top of you?" Tuco grinned. </p><p>"Cause I gotta pee," Blondie said.</p><p>Tuco chuckled. "That is a good reason," he rolled over.</p><p>Blondie got up and went over to the chamber pot in the corner of the room to take a leak.  "Angel Eyes will be expecting us soon," he said.</p><p>"Si, I just wish we could do this job without him," Tuco said. He sat up in the bed and pulled his shirt over his head.</p><p>"You and me both. But we'll just have to play his game for now," Blondie said. He came back over to the end of the bed to get dressed himself.</p><p>"I will keep a close eye on him, he will pull no tricks on us," Tuco assured.</p><p>Blondie nodded and finished dressing.  Once done they stepped out in the hall at the same time Angel was coming out of his room next door.  He looked over and then looked again in shock, staring at them a few moments.</p><p>"What's a matter, Angel Eyes?  Have trouble sleeping last night?" Tuco grinned.</p><p>Angel Eyes walked the few steps to join them on their way down the stairs. "Let's say I had some entertainment." his eyes stayed on Blondie, knowing he had to have been the one who did the screaming.</p><p>Tuco chuckled. "I hope it didn't bother you too much," he said. </p><p>They walked through the saloon and out onto the street, the sun was just beginning it's rise in the east and the desert morning was cool yet.  They went down the street to the stable for their horses and started saddling up.</p><p>"I wouldn't say that," Angel Eyes replied. </p><p>They headed out of the stable, west out of town, the town itself sat on a shelf in the mesa, the trail in and out was steep.  They followed Angel's lead, all conversation dying as they made their way into the canyon bottom, there was something fresh about the morning on a clear day, it made even the most precarious situations feel calm.</p><p>"You mind telling us where exactly is this...this bug man?" Tuco asked, once down on flat trail.</p><p>"Cicada and his men reportedly have a hideout ten miles southwest of here.  It's in an old Pueblo city back in the wall of a canyon, very well fortified, it will take some ingenuity to get in there without being killed," Angel Eyes said.</p><p>"Ingenuity?" Tuco asked, confused.</p><p>"He means we're gonna have to be as slick as an oiled snake," Blondie said.</p><p>"Why didn't he just say so?  We will probably have to lure them out one or two at a time to pick them off. Those Indian towns in the mesas, they are up and in, there is no way we could take them in there," Tuco said.</p><p>"We'll do whatever it takes to get the lead man.  The men are only worth, one hundred, maybe up to five hundred dollars a piece," Angel Eyes said.</p><p>"First come, first serve with them, eh?" Tuco asked with a smile, his gold tooth gleaming in the newly risen sun.</p><p>"Sure thing, amigo," Angel Eyes agreed.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>They made eight of the ten miles easily and without stopping that day.  All of them were used to riding in the heat and their horses were hardy southwestern and Mexican stock.   They could have completed the ten mile trek but from there on out they would have to be careful, Cicada could have eyes anywhere, so they stopped for a night's rest and for water.</p><p>Blondie was making a fire with a dried Joshua tree for minimal smoke.  Tuco and Angel were putting out bedrolls, they had camped under the ledge of a rock on the edge of a Joshua tree forest of sorts. The darkness made the trees look like the shadows of men, just waiting for the right moment to move in and murder you in your sleep.</p><p>"Tuco, the watering hole is just beyond the next rock.  Why don't you take the horses and the canteens and fill them up?" Angel Eyes asked.</p><p>Tuco looked at Blondie, who gave the slightest of nods that he would be okay and to go on.  "Si," Tuco agreed.  He took the horses by their reins and started walking.</p><p>Angel Eyes squatted down by the fire and looked over at Blondie smoking his cigar now sitting on a blanket.  "I can't believe you would allow a man like Tuco to touch your body.  Knowing the kind of boy you are I know good and well he didn't force you," he spoke across the campfire.</p><p>Blondie looked through the flames at Angel's face, chewing the end of his cigar. "That's right. No one can force me," he said.</p><p>Angel Eyes gave a dirty smirk. "Bet you fight like an animal.  Give you a few days and you'll be tight as a virgin," he said.</p><p>Blondie pulled his poncho closer around him, eyes not leaving the flames. "Reckon you'll never know."</p><p>"Blondie."</p><p>Blondie looked up from the flames into Angel's eyes.</p><p>"Don't be so sure," the man smiled.</p><p>Blondie looked away towards where Tuco was returning with the horses.  When he came to sit down beside his partner, Blondie took his hand, covering their hands with his poncho.  Tuco looked up at his face, he just kept smoking and didn't look over, Tuco then looked to Angel Eyes across the fire as he sipped coffee.</p><p>"Are you alright?" Tuco asked softly.</p><p>"Sure," Blondie answered.</p><p>Tuco squeezed his hand and looked back over at Angel Eyes.  This was going to be a more difficult job than he had thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Four</p><p> </p><p>Blondie woke up just before dawn to Tuco stroking his hip under his poncho, he looked at him and saw that he had his eyes closed and he was lowly muttering in Spanish. Blondie put his hand on top of Tuco's causing the man to open his eyes, Blondie smirked at him and felt of his crotch, feeling a familiar hardness there.  </p><p>Tuco grinned. "If we were alone I would give you so much pleasure," he whispered. </p><p>Blondie silently undid Tuco's pants and reach into his long johns, motioning for him to be quiet. He ran his hand slowly up to the base and down again and Tuco hissed.  Blondie once again motioned for him to be quiet and stole a look across the fire to ensure that Angel Eyes was still sleeping and he was.  Blondie then felt more comfortable about getting into a good rhythm, just in case though he kept what he was doing hidden under the poncho.  When he thumbed the head Tuco took Blondie's free hand and bit it, Blondie tried to yelp out, he pulled his hand away and gave his partner a look.  Tuco chuckled and leaned in to kiss him, Blondie squeezed his cock at the same time and Tuco moaned into his mouth.</p><p>"I love you so good," Tuco whispered. </p><p>Blondie didn't respond right away, he kept pumping Tuco's cock until he cummed into his hand.  He wiped it on the leg on Tuco's pants and started lighting a cigar.  "Feelin's mutual," he said.</p><p>Tuco smirked and hooked his leg across Blondie's hip, he took his face in hand and kissed him passionately after taking the cigar out.  Blondie's arms went around him and he pulled him closer, needing to feel him breathe, needing to feel his heart beating. </p><p>"Bit early in the morning to be frisky, ain't it boys?" Angel Eyes' voice broke into their loving.</p><p>Tuco finished the kiss before looking at Angel Eyes.  "It is never too early to admire beauty," he smiled and ran his thumb along Blondie's jawline.</p><p>"Well why don't you admire that beauty after we have captured Cicada?  We need to throw down some breakfast and get on the trail," Angel Eyes said.</p><p>Tuco sighed and cast his blanket off, he stood and stretched. </p><p>"Oh and Tuco?" Angel Eyes asked.</p><p>"You might put your cock away.  I'd hate for it to get sunburned," Angel commented.</p><p>Blondie smirked and put his cigar back in his mouth, he laid back and watched as Tuco hurriedly tucked his cock back in his pants and went about making some coffee.</p><p> </p><p>They ate in silence, the morning was still and heat came with the sun, they packed up and headed out before it rose too high in the sky.  Plunging into the Joshua tree forest they gave the rock cliffs a wide girth, not wanting to be picked up by Cicada's guards.  They traveled until they could see the hideout in the distance,red and orange rock with carved out houses and windows, ladders stood along the different heights of the building. </p><p>Angel Eyes took out his telescope and looked at it. "It looks like they are in there, alright," he said.</p><p>"What now?" Blondie asked.</p><p>"Well, one of us needs to draw out some of those men. Get rid of the flies around the honeypot," Angel Eyes declared.</p><p>"And who is going to do that?" Tuco asked.</p><p>"We could draw matchsticks.  Whoever gets the shortest one has to go," Angel said.</p><p>Blondie took out some matches and broke them, holding them out to his companions.  They made their choice and Angel Eyes had gotten the longest, Blondie second, leaving Tuco with the shortest. </p><p>"Well Tuco, looks like you're our bait.  Good luck," Angel Eyes smiled. </p><p>Tuco muttered in Spanish and leaned over to kiss Blondie.  "Pray to the Holy Mother for me," he said.</p><p>"We ain't acquainted but for you I'll introduce myself," Blondie said.</p><p>They rode a little closer to the cliff facing before Tuco split off from them and went right towards it singing in Spanish.  It didn't take long for men to start appearing and shots to be flying, Blondie kept a close eye on Tuco, picking off any man that got too close.  Before long they had gotten about five men and Tuco had disappeared into a heavier stand of Joshua trees.</p><p>"This is going to be easier than I first thought," Angel Eyes commented.</p><p>"We still got a ways to go yet," Blondie said, his eyes strained to see where Tuco had gone and if there was any other man close to him.</p><p>Angel Eyes laughed. "Not very far, Blondie," he said.</p><p>Blondie started to turn his head but before he could it was met with a gun barrel, he blacked out to the sounds of Angel Eye's laughter.</p>
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